I sat outside in the sun today... I was thinking about my best friend, Jeremy Ballou. It has been three years since I have seen him and since he has passed away. I thought about how he never got to see his sons graduate from elementary school, high school, or even college, he never will know about my big adventure, or how he never got to live a full life. Being deep in thought, I snapped back to the cold reality. One small, pain filled tear crawled down my face.
I remember the last thing I ever said to him. I wish that I had said something better. That I had at least said good night and/or said good-bye, and that I gave him a hug. But I didn't. And why I didn't was because I knew that he would be back tomorrow around 3 p.m. or 4 p.m. It was my mistake to think so.
As I sat outside, I also thought if he could see me now, know what success I had, and what I was going to be experiencing. Would he be proud? Would he be supportive? So many questions ran through my mind. Sadly I will never know the answer to them. I knew that Jeremy wasn't just important to me. He was to his mother, his brother, his children, his family, and his friends. But something about his relationship with me and my family seemed that, even though he had other people who cared, he mattered the most to us. I don't want to seem selfish, but it was true.
I don't want to seem like a girl about it, but I am a girl. I handle things differently than you or even my own friends and family. Something about him struck home to me. He was always there, good and bad times. Sadly he passed away before my grandfather did. I couldn't tell him how I felt or anything. I told him everything about anything. He knows secrets that no-one else will or ever know. And I think that the bond we had was what made him that important to me. I just wish that I had told him that before he left for good.
I know that I will see him someday. But deep inside, I know that he was ready, but I wish he didn't leave before the going got good.
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